Funny One-liners

• If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

• I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

• Teacher Strikes Idle Kids

• I don't have a solution, but I admire the problem.

• Laugh and the world laughs with you. Snore and you sleep alone.

• A life... cool.. where can I download one of those?

• Judge me by my deeds, though they are few, rather than my words, though they are many.

• Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.

• Multitasking means screwing up several things at once.

• Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

• It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

• Everyone wants to go to Heaven, yet no one wants to die.

• I am not single cuz no body likes me, um single cuz i enjoy choices 

• Oh Lord, give me patience, and GIVE IT TO ME NOW!

• I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.

• Don't judge a book by its movie.

• Maths and alcohol don't mix. Please don't drink and derive.

• Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

• Why does your nose run and your feet smell?

• Sports: 44,999 Runners Lose NYC Marathon 

• Experience is the hardest kind of teacher. It gives you the test first, and the lesson afterward

• Today's the day to change your life! Seize the moment! Be amazing! Actually, probably best to wait till Monday as it's nearly the weekend.